Now that America’s holiday of giving thanks for what we have, Americans are celebrating the holiday of buying what youwant.
Let’s be completely honest, Black Friday
I think we should forget about the Thursday NFL game and instead televise the yearly Black Friday shopping visits.
Make it a season long build up.
I could see the producers going to a few houses, choosing the Black Friday Tribute.
“I volunteer as tribute!”
“NO, its me. I volunteer as tribute!”
“You can’t be
“If you had stayed up all night, I would have been closer to the door!”
That is how I would expect a tribute picking event to go. After that, I think that the training would involve body checking and grabbing. Or the quick grab out of a buggy. There would be tackling dummies on the training floor; the dummies the Army used to use to practice
Imagine the drill instructors.
“Okay maggots! Show me your shopping face!”
“That is not a shopping face, it is barely a war face. Picture someone getting the last copy of that computer game your son asked Santa for!”
From the depths of the shopper-tribute comes a blood curdling scream, “DIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!”
All of this would lead up to the trip to
I can picture the parking lot filled with tents and shoppers, them taking care of their last minute details. Standing
We could hire Morgan Freeman to read a few as they write.
“My beloved Husband. We are camped just outside the handicap parking area, having lost that spot to a group of women in a U-Haul. Your sister Becky was nearly run down in the melee, but the wounds were not fatal. I am not sure what will happen once the doors of the store open, but I will do you and the kids proud.”
Of course we would need the appropriate Civil War era music.
“Grandma Kitty says that we are positioned perfectly to enter through the fire escape. The water cannons are primed and ready to repel any of our enemies. Try not to be sad that I have been gone since Halloween in preparation of Blak Friday. Tell the kids that I love the mand think of them often.”
And finally, 6 AM on Friday, the nervous worker at the door arrives to unlock the door for the shoppers. He is terrified as he approaches and hears the pounding on the doors by the people demanding the doors be open.
Poor guy, struck down in the prime of his life.
After that is pretty much a free for all. Shoppers leaping over displays, kicking over carts.
The frenzy grows and grows as items sell out. Families are embattled, mother against daughter; neighbor against neighbor. Untill the last
I can picture a group of women grabbing the last Samsung big screen right before a larger group descends on them.
The lead of the larger group demanding that they be given the TV, “Give me the television and you will live!”
Only to be met with a defiant scream.
“THIS IS SHOPPING!”
After the fight in the
“TO THE NEXT STORE!”
War and shopping cries ring out as shoppers rush to their cars to continue the battle.]]>